look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
