I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
