tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
