uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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