p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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