there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Enjoy the penises
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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