I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
