don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
