I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
