She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
