Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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