Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
