After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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