My first STD was from a foam party
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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