just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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