I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was born a porn star she said
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I had to cum in my sink.
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