What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
