The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
