so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
