I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
