1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
do nipples grow back?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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