I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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