could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
