btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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