So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
