it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
