she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
