so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
