You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
