I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
