Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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