Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
3pm strippers are depressing
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
