Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize