She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize