hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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