And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This can only be settled by a dance off.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
