Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
