She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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