if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
