He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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