new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
