carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
