we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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