$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize