Your mouth is God's brothel.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
