We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
