Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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