I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
