She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
