apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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