What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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