just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
