I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
