READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
