i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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