peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
