so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
