new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
