I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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