the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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