Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
