I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
