Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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