I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
