I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
