Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
