It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
