Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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