i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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