My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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