Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
