i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
