Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
