my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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