I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The uberlube is also flammable
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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