Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
