how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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