Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
