highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
