I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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