Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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